Due to his statements about the people of Haiti, God has demanded that the IRS tax the shit out of this mother-fucker.

The point where cuteness inverts on itself and becomes an illness.

The Force will be delayed for 15 minutes.

Jay uses a microphone to show us how he pleasured the NBC president while he begged for his old job.

"I'm just passing through anyway, might as well say whatever the hell I want now."

ROBOT SEX DOLL AVAILABLE

"And here's our new Amy Winehouse doll. Comes in 'Stoned' and 'Drunk' or both."

"Oh no, I'm becoming my father."

Religion.

"This pays the bills, but my goal is to direct."

"Does this come with some sort of Anti-Ass-Kicking Shield as well?"

"I don't know, it started as a rash last night."